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Saturday, 15 March 2014

TGO Challenge 2014: Limbering up on royal turf.

 

If truth be told, I was shamed into it.

Both Robin and David had written how they are going for daily walks weighed down by tinned soup, bibles, stuffed badgers (they are these days, aren’t they?) and gallons of water in their quest for lithe bodies and peak fitness for the Challenge that lies ahead.

Over the years, Lord Elpus and I have evolved our own fitness programme – a programme with a difference – one with a holistic approach to the Challenge that suited our purpose admirably. Our trainer was none other than Miss Whiplash. As we splodged our knackered bodies through sodden, muddy Suffolk fields there was a voice urging us on from the rear: “You’ll thank me for this in May.”

Miss Whiplash

TRAINING WITH MISS WHIPLASH

I have to say, I do not recall either Phil or me ever giving thanks in any of our May trudges.

However, our dominatrix trainer did allow the taking of alcohol prior to setting out into the miserable wet winter mud. So we would always be found in a snug Suffolk pub in front of a roaring fire. There would be a couple of pints and, just as Miss Whiplash was looking restive, a dart to the bar to get another round in.

Over the god-awful winter months we would slowly raise our mileage up to a giddy twelve miles, collecting a few Suffolk Munros (hills over a hundred metres) in the process. Our thoughts were that if we could manages a dozen miles in an afternoon in the slippery mud after a lunchtime drink, then fifteen miles in a day over the comparatively easier terrain that Scotland offered would be a doddle!

And generally this did the trick. Oh, we also spent a long weekend somewhere hilly trying out those tenty/sleepy baggy thingies, getting rained on, otherwise known as the PreWalkDaunder. But, yes, that was all the training we found was necessary.

These days I live miles away from Miss W’s ministrations and I’m afraid I have let the training regime slip a little – well, a lot, actually. Robin and David’s new found zeal for athletic perfection found me staring once again at my burgeoning belly and string-like legs. A heavy sigh saw me packing a light rucksack with Trinnie, Oook, my sandwiches and a flask of ginger beer, with a steely glint of determination in my eye. Quite why my right eye didn’t follow suit I have no idea; it always was a lazy bastard.

Anyway. Here are the pictures of a twelve mile stroll through the Great Park, with a little ‘Pitch and Strike a Hike Tent’ practice thrown in at lunch time. You can click on each picture and they should get slightly larger in a new window.

REDUNDANT POST OFFICE PARAPHERNALIA

WINDSOR: REDUNDANT POST OFFICE PARAPHERNALIA – THE BOX ON THE RIGHT WAS FOR ‘CORONATION AERIAL POST.’

 

THE LONG WALK

THE LONG WALK

 

THE GREAT PARK

THE GREAT PARK

 

PITCH & STRIKE A HIKE TENT - 1

PITCH & STRIKE A STEALTHY HIKE TENT - 1

 

PITCH & STRIKE A HIKE TENT - 2

PITCH & STRIKE A STEALTHY HIKE TENT - 2

 

EASY GOING

EASY GOING

Amazingly, it all went very well. Trinnie behaved herself and now craves my touch. We now reach ecstasy in a matter of a moment. There is life in the old dog yet. Now I just need to sort out this belly…

12 comments:

  1. When Bonnington considered taking Don Whillans to Everest B was concerned about D's overweight and unfitness, but made the offer. B said that Don walked it all off during the march out to base-camp and D's contribution to the expedition was invaluable. So, I reckon you'll have it sorted in the first couple of days - no need to go through the purgatory of carrying housing bricks round in a rucksack in dreary urban environments for weeks before the event.

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's very thoughtful of you Sir.
      However, I seem to recall that Don Whillan's walk-in to Everest lasted two to three weeks. This means that I just might lose the belly by the time I get to the East Coast.
      Fair enough!
      :-)

      Delete
  2. Hmmm. I Googled this. A Great Park indeed. Lucky to have places like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a fabulous park. Massive ancient oaks, tucked away ponds, burial mounds, deer and miles and miles of space to walk. And Windsor has some cracking pubs too.
      :-)

      Delete
  3. i didn,t know legoland sold adult versions

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure that they do, Chris.
      I'm sure it would sell a lot more if they did though.
      :-)

      Delete
  4. Now then Alan, Miss W calling.

    If you don't get your sorry carcase into shape, I'll be forced to pay you a visit and administer some very strict discipline - and YOU WON'T LIKE IT ... but you will thank me for it in May.

    In fact Lord E is thanking me already ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I went for another walk today, Miss!
      Another Great Park Adventure planned for tomorrow as well.
      (How many times can I pitch & strike a hike tent in the Park before the Warden nabs me?)

      Delete
  5. Pleased to hear the "training" is going well.

    I have only been to Windsor Great Park once - as a child, in about 1970, we went as a family in our newly acquired Dormobile motor caravan. Obviously, the proximity to royalty is firmly etched in my brain, but the most memorable incident came when, after watching us slightly nervously for a few minutes, a couple reluctantly came up to the van and asked if we sold ice creams ....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This training is becoming hardcore now Jules. I had another trip through the Great Park today. Being a Sunday, parts of the park were teeming with people. However, I managed to find a quiet spot to flip up Trinnie away from prying eyes. We like to be alone together.

      Could it have been the model of Mister Whippy above the windscreen that attracted the inquiries?
      :-)

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Be honest, Steph - it's the outfit you want, isn't it?
      :-)

      Delete

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