Sunday, 2 January 2011


A slightly unusual request this: Can any amongst our noble congregation help me out?

I would like a coffin – a real one would be pretty handy. The snag is, it isn’t going to be something I am borrowing – you won’t be getting it back, you see… (not that you would normally get coffins back of course….)

I need it for a date in May.

Could you scratch your heads, wrack your brains and think of all your friends and acquaintances who might be in that line of work? It’s going to be used in a good cause. Can’t say any more than that at the moment.

Thank you.


  1. he he he he

  2. It might be worth keeping an eye on eBay. They come up occasionally in the "Home & Garden" category.

    You can post "Want it Now" adverts on eBay - it's a free service which might prompt someone to sell the one they've been ..... whatever.

    I'd be willing to contribute towards the cost of one for a good cause.

  3. You've been watching Cameron's 'Hebridean Trail', haven't you...

  4. The Ghost of Clare RaynerSunday, January 02, 2011 12:02:00 pm

    About this date you have in May.
    I'm sure the lady would be more impressed by a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates.

  5. Can you not fashion one yourself? I've had a think and I reckon you could do it as follows:

    First up you'd need a frame. Because it'll be clad, it doesn't need to be strong, and can be quite lightweight. I'd suggest using SNP members. Use Alex Salmond for the lid, as he's used to being the "top" man.

    Then you'd need to clad it. How about using some "No Access" and "No Wild Camping" signs from up Lomond way. There's a ready supply, so I'm told.

    For lining the casket you'd want something opulent. If you apply to RES, they can give you wads of public-supplied notes which should suffice.

    Finally you'll need some nice brassy knobs etc.. Now I know that there are plenty to choose from, but I'd start with Sir Jack Hayward and Donald Trump...

  6. Ha Ha Ha - I don't think that I can help you- I sent mine back...!
    I am curious though.

  7. Can you not make a balsa wood coffin and carry that in?

    (No idea what you want it for, but...)

  8. The prize for the wittiest comment of the day must go to BG! - though I did like the Firestarter video David.

    andy may well be on the right track...

    Good idea, Brian - thank you.

    Clare - I don't believe that was actually you - *All* gurls like flowers and chocolates. If it was you, knock three times...

    Trevor: You won't be needing yours for some time now! Get back on your bike.

    PW: Hello Miss. Nice idea & perhaps worth thinking about. There will be rucksacks to be carried as well... Perhaps we should have Balsa wood versions of them as well?

    Food for thought. Thank you, all.

  9. Good to know I was on the right track...

    I think it's a most excellent plan, Alan; it'll sure grab the attention of the press. Good thinking.

  10. Why not a cardboard coffin?

    Might be tricky if it rains tho'


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