LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU ARE OF A NERVOUS DISPOSITION!
Scotland is a hideously wet and boggy place. Because of
this, the powers-that-be decided it would be a great jape to send off three hundred
innocents to walk all the way across the midge infested morass, carrying all
their worldly belongings in a bag strapped to their backs. "It will make men of them. And the women too."
Lord Elpus and I are, for the most part, Englishmen and each year, prior to setting off to that northern hell-hole, we find England's own version of a Scottish Somme, and attempt to walk about in it for a few days with large bags strapped to our persons. It's all unutterably horrible. We have carried on this tradition for some twenty years. We invariably invite a few victims who deserve a little punishment to tag along with us.
This year we have decided to tackle (according to Wikipedia) "a lost world prone to dense hill fog and fierce winds. A shrieking noise induced by the Helm Wind is a characteristic of the locality. It can be an inhospitable place for much of the year. In ancient times it was known as "Fiends Fell" and believed to be the haunt of evil spirits." Only yesterday it looked like this:
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| THE LOST WORLD (PICTURE C/O THE PIEMAN) |
Wikipedia also says it forms a block of high terrain which is all over 800 metres in altitude. This is the largest block of high ground in England and tends to retain snow-cover longer than neighbouring areas. Snow can be found in gullies on the north side as late as May in most years. In some years, lying snow has been known to persist until July and fresh snowfall in June is common.
Precipitation averages around 2.8 metres (!) per year. It is covered by what is known as "siliceous alpine and boreal grassland". It is the southernmost outlier of this vegetation type, which is common to highlands in Scotland and Scandinavia.
It sounds absolutely awful. Sorry, perfect.
Without any further ado, here is this year's crop of Daunderers. You were warned.
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| LORD ELPUS |
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| PETER & JAYME (BOTH NEW TO DAUNDERING) |
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| LAURA: NEW TO DAUNDERING. YOU CAN TELL AS SHE'S SMILING. SHE WON'T BE HIGH-KICKING THIS TIME NEXT WEEK. |
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| TRIPLE BYPASS MORPETH. THAT BILLY CAN OVERTURNED SECONDS AFTER THE PICTURE WAS TAKEN |
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| PHIL (MISSING HALF HIS INNARDS) ON ANOTHER BLEAK HILLSIDE |
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| GERRY, CROYDON & MORPETH: OLD LAGS. |
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| MAD'N'BAD. HE LICKS CAR WINDSCREENS WITH THEIR OWNERS SEATED INSIDE. |
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| BINDER, MISPLACED, AGAIN |
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| 'BOGFEST' ROBIN & ANDREW |
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| PETER (FROM HOLLAND!!!) EVERY CHALLENGE GIRL'S PIN UP. |
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| CROYDON. MICK. 'ARD. |
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| LORD ELPUS' EVIL TWIN. ON ANOTHER GHASTLY SNOW-SWEPT BOG |
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| I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE IN MY LIFE! ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD. POSSIBLY MISPLACED. |
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| A HAPPY PIEMAN (THAT'S A PORT & LEMON IN HIS MUG) |
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| AND BRINGING UP THE REAR, ALISTAIR, THE PATRON SAINT OF CHEESE & WINE PARTIES. |
All too soon we will be camped up somewhere ghastly on that forbidding Lost World. It will rain. There will be bog. There will be howls of protest. The navigator will be sacked. There will be schisms.
A normal PreWalkDaunder, then.
EDIT: EVENING, MONDAY 18th APRIL
I thought I would add in the weather forecast for Cross Fell for when we are there. Click on the forecasts to enlarge them.
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| FRIDAY'S CLAMBER OVER CROSS FELL |
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| SATURDAY'S WALK AROUND THE BACK OF CROSS FELL: SNOW AND A BIT CHILLY! |
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| SUNDAY'S WALK BACK DOWN TO DUFTON: BLOOMING CHILLY! |
So it looks like we will all be wearing an extra vest and taking a warm bag to sleep in. Maybe the microspikes too...
Proper Challenge training then!
We looked across to it from T' Lakes yesterday, and on the way home.
ReplyDeleteCross Fell had taken a mighty dump of the icing on Sat night.
AND.......
The current forecast for next weekend is much of the same...
Best to be packing the winter woollies, because it was arsing freezing up on Helvellyn and Skiddaw this weekend.
Have we a FWA that involves just valleys and Pubs should the wind be MIGHTY?
It's going to be proper Challenge training. You have to walk, whatever the weather. I might take my winter sleeping bag though. It will be a relatively small food bag. The wind doesn't look to be too much of a problem.
Delete:-)
Call yourself Rufty Tufty?
How did the Lakes go, by the way?
Met office word for later this week is "glum". I used to enjoy the Glums...
ReplyDeleteNow you mention it, I can see the resemblance with Pa Glum.
DeleteGreat - can't wait....
ReplyDeletePatience. They're the people queuing patiently outside A&E.
DeleteDon't wear yourself out before the 'real thing' now.
ReplyDeleteWe get a three week recovery period to mull over the disaster, Gibson. In those three weeks the memory erases all the unpleasantness leaving us free to go and do it all over again...
DeleteOh my Little Ears and Whiskers! This is A Rum Lot, make no mistake. A veritable Cacaphony of Challengers! Good luck to you all. The Werewolves of The Upper Dulnain are licking their little lips in anticipation. Good luck to you all.
ReplyDeleteI think of the participants of a PreWalkDaunder rather like the oil in a car's engine, Humph. They are generally the thick cruddy stuff found collected in the sump.
DeleteSump oil, Sir.
Looks like the weather gods are going to smile on you all....hardly a test for hardened hillmen/women likeyour goodselves at all!! :-)) Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteThat's the thing. You just have to take what's given and walk every day. One bite at a time.
DeleteAre you on it this year, Al?
Not this year Alan. I'm still a slave to the office! So 2 weeks leave is almost half of my annual hols :-(
DeleteWe've got a cottage in Newtonmore for a chilled week in May. And I shall have a week Munro Bagging in June....I need to get on with the job, I've been at it for almost 40years!!
I'll do another challenge in a couple of years tho.
Oh my good Gawd. Just chucked the last of our recent visitors out of the door (with a loving farewell) and instead of a a relaxing few days recovery, snoozing in the armchair, I turn a page in the diary to find ... this.
ReplyDeleteIt happened last year too.
And the year before that.
And the year before that.
It's Groundhog Day meets Deliverance.
Lord Elpus.
No worries, Sir.
DeleteYou can snooze in that comfy armchair of yours on the way up the A1 on Thursday afternoon.
I can already hear duelling banjos.
The last time i saw images like these i think it was on Crimewatch.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the Lakes. It’s bloody freezing high up.