Thursday, 6 March 2008

Bruised Buttocks

At this time of the year Lynnie disappears for a while to throw herself down snowy pistes in Italy. I am not quite sure where she is in Italy but it is hilly and snowy there. She straps great planks of wood to her feet to make it even more slippery and literally flings herself down the slopes.

Amazingly, last year she came home unscathed. Not so this year...

Day One: AM: Falls off the ski lift. Bruises left buttock.
Day Two: AM: Falls over on a run. Bruises right buttock and right wrist.
Day Two: PM: Falls over on a different run. Bruises left wrist and left buttock (again).

After each fall on the downhill bits she was rescued and put back together by the same unknown chap who was mildly surprised to find it was Lynnie he was rescuing each time. One of them must be a stalker.

She still has two days to go. Lord only knows what shape will come home in. The good news is that she can still hold a drink in her hand.

Back home, here in the grey East Anglian Winter, a Fence Man has visited and sucked a lot of air in between his teeth. It sounds like it will be a bruising experience.


  1. As long as she doesn't end up on crutches and in plaster like me!!!! And all I did was go to a dance....and get stood on! Still hope to see you on the Challenge though - albeit may be very challenging...

  2. You don't have to put up with that kind of treatment at the Challenge Reunion Heather...

    We all wish you a successful recovery in good time for the Challenge!

    And I see Alan is writing about bottoms ... again!!!!!

  3. With Heather limping across Scotland with her leg in plaster and crutches instead of walking poles, we may, just, be able to keep up with her. Might I suggest we use this handicapping system to all the younger types as well?

    David, being a few years younger than myself, would have to carry three small rocks in his rucksack.

    The older chaps, (perhaps thinking of Vetters here?) would have their packs carried by the first-timers.

    Now that would be a Challenge!

    David - it's the "bottoms....again!!!" that shocks me. Can't a chap write about his wife's bottom? What has happened to free speech?

    Now - I would understand it if I was writing about Katie's bottom! Not right at all Sir! Quite right to be severly admonished. (that's me getting the admonishment, NOT Katie's bottom, you undertand)

    I have it on good authority that Lynnie has added to her collection of bruises on her posterior this afternoon.

  4. Alan - Regarding 'bottoms ... again!!!' I refer you to your comment on Doodlecat, Tues Feb 12th 'It's Deja Vu - all over again' and the following comments. Rather than an admonition, I was simply noting that you had returned to the same subject again on this post. Please do continue to do so again any time you wish! I for one am enjoying your telling of Lynnie's ski saga.

    On the subject of carrying stones on the Challenge, I've done what I imagine many a Challenger has done before me on their crossings: selected a stone on the beach near the west coast start point and carried it until reaching the north sea, into which it is fondly thrown. I suppose I could take three small stones next time!

  5. Ah: It's a fair cop. But in my defence, the girl in The ODG did have a particularly fine example of the posterior's physical form.

    Now Listen. Small stones carried in the trouser pocket do not constitute a handicap. We are talking proper rocks here. Not little skimmers, however pretty, however many multi-coloured hues. A rock is a rock. A stone is a pebble. A mere toy.

    Ricky (My Rock) still stands sentinal on my bedside table, guarding me against the ills, the torments, of the world.

  6. Alan, did Lynnie make home in one piece, if bruised in certain places, from her skiing adventure?

    You'd better finish the saga, as we're wanting to know she's OK and what colour the bruises are!?

  7. Strangely, I was recounting this story tonight at the Axe & Compass after a boozey meeting discussing the village's forthcoming St. George's Day Celebrations. I was describing Lynnie's bruises as not being disimilar to being handcuffed and shackled (ooh deary me!) at the front of a squash court with two maniacs being let loose on her with yellow dots with the full force of their Slazenger bats.

    The bruises represent the entire multi-cultural spectrum of the rainbow. It is not a pretty sight.

    Lynnie has already booked next year's skiing holiday.

    Happy Birthday, Big Dave!

  8. Ah yes ... a sight to behold I'm sure! At least she returned in one piece!

    And thanks for the lovely card Alan! I don't know what our postman made of your very enthusiastic 'Incredibly Revd' bit!? - But he's a good postman, and very eager to take his summer holidays - in Knoydart! (Midgie heaven or hell?)


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