Tuesday, 13 January 2009


It's about moisturiser, apparently.

It's not about beards, new glasses or 'matte paste' for your hair. All these things might, just, explain why the ladies of the Axe may have gathered round to help with my current marital predicament. But no.

With the asbestos on my current project, which has caused me to to keep the noble 'Sloman Jaw' unencumbered by the snuggly facial hair so familiar of the last two decades (well, almost), my smooth, and it has to be said, slightly jowly features, have been gracing the bar at the Axe & Compass for the last two months. Apparently, I now look 'Ten Years Younger.'

No surgery has been involved in this new stunning look. No anaesthetists, surgeons, nurses or green suited porters have been attached to my well-being for the last forty-eight hours. I have been allowed home after just a few pints of Black Sheep - but I am now an amazingly ten years younger than when I entered the pub a few months ago. There are no facial swellings. There is no bruising. I am allowed to drive my car and, if they are available to me, then sexual relations are allowed.

My Christmas Presents included Very Expensive (and the capitals are important here...) moisturisers to smooth my newly shaven cheeks, neck and any other parts of my body that might be displaying signs of stress in this modern world in which we live, so that once more they are transmogrified back to the state of my youth.

It must have worked, as Chicken Dave tonight remarked how youthful I am now looking.



  1. Hi Alan, skin should ALWAYS be moisturized/lubricated from the INSIDE outwards - preferably with single malt moisturizer.

  2. This is all a little worrying. I can understand moisturising the feet but the face ! Sacré bleu!

    I'm a bit worried, Al, that your going to turn up looking fit, toned and silky skinned. I'm not sure that is a standard the rest of us will be able to look up to!

    Will the beard be back for May?

  3. Do you know, you two, in a normal world (well, what I would call my normal world before the shit hit the fan) i would agree with you both.

    However, time passes and events happen - "oh comes the old unexpected again!" etc etc... Yes Robin - in my normal world (which should regain ground during the Challenge) the only lubrication and moisturiser will be a bloody great Leapfrog.
    And yes Andy - as soon as this Asbestos is got rid of (Bilston will be grateful, I am sure) then the bastard beard will be back! (It did make a brief re-appearance over Christmas but was hacked away the night beofre returning to work)


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