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Wednesday, 20 January 2010

THESE TWO OUNCES...

Talk amongst yourselves awhile. If you are of a certain age you will understand that there are occasions when you find yourselves upstairs. You may have a mug of freshly ground coffee in your hand and you are standing by the linen basket but for the life of you you have no idea why you are standing outside the bathroom with a mug of coffee.

*Shrug*

Whilst you were chatting to each other just then did that strike a chord with any of the congregation? It did me and I was the one who wrote the nonsense. Back downstairs in the kitchen you realise that you have left that cup of coffee next to the linen basket, on the window sill over-looking the back garden. A quick skip up the stairs again and the coffee is reunited with your right arm.

You still cannot remember why you were at the linen basket in the first place, but you are happy to be there as you have found that missing coffee. That was lucky then.

My whole life is life this at the moment. It's bloody chaotic. But there is a good side to it all.

I must be climbing those stairs at twice the required amount each day, which in turn burns calories. Perhaps its enough to lose those two precious ounces.

Time will tell.

18 comments:

  1. Um... what am I doing here??

    *gets confused look and returns to kitchen*

    (Word = polaxi. Sounds about right.)

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  2. Hnmmm.. Word = mament. My mother had a lot of those. Senior maments.

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  3. ..and then you find your specs are not on the end of your nose where they should usually be

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  4. I am impressed that amidst the chaos of Middle Youth, your coffee is always freshly ground. Even if it is sometimes lukewarm by the time you drink it.

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  5. ...and find they're perched up on your head after looking for them upstairs and downstairs!!!

    Word: dallyme!

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  6. I was going to send you a link to a great song about senior moments but I've forgotten who sings it...............

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  7. Miss W has read that it takes 27 steps to burn one calorie.

    One pound of body fat = 3600 calories.

    That's 97,200 steps.

    With a 30" stride that works out to 46 miles, so to lose 2oz in a week, you need to walk an additional 5.75 miles.

    Not so bad ... walking Sunday????

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  8. Alan. Don't despair things can only get worse! When you get too three score years and twenty one you will find these problems much amlified!I need to ask Marian what my name is every morning now!

    Derek

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  9. Des: "Middle Youth" I like that expression - it captures how I feel very well. I am still not sure what I want to do when I grow up.

    Laura: It will come to you about 3 in the morning. It always does. Or in the middle of a quiet bit in the cinema. That one always goes down well.

    Phil: I have checked your maths: it was perfect (of course). However, it's two ounces a day that's required. That's the full 5.75 miles each day!

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  10. PW: "polaxi" I do believe we have a word here that should be entered into the New Oxford Dictionary. I have added it to my computer's dictionary.

    Humph: What your mother's mammaries are doing on this blog, Lord only knows. 100 Hail Marys, Sir.

    JH: My nose is getting hairier. If it gets any hairier I will lose the specs in the scrub.

    David: With the thinning pate the specs now sit quite safely, nestled in the depression.

    Phil: Yes - a walk would be marvelous.

    Derek: I have a wife who is four foot thirteen. A note of caution though: When Marian says 'Derek' , listen to the intonation. When my name is used it is usually as a precursor to being berated for having forgotten to get whatever it was that was at the top of the stairs..

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  11. Alan. You have just proved that great joy comes in small amounts. You have only to lose those 2oz a week! Of course we have both wives of small physical stature, yours 4foot 13 inches, mine 2 foot 23inches, but perhaps both high above us when it comes down to the grey matter! I'm quite happy being dominated!

    Derek

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  12. Oh dear - yes it is 2oz per day to lose that stone in time.

    And it gets worse. Tini tells me that there are about 180 calories in a pint of IPA, so if we have three of those on a Sunday, we'll have to do 7 miles just to maintain the status quo.

    We're doomed ... doomed!

    Word = glumic :-(

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  13. I burn about 100 Calories running 1 mile on the flat at about 9 minute miles.

    Those little 2-finger Kit-Kats are supposed to contain 107 Calories.

    The 180 Calorie pint of beer (should!) take longer to consume than a 2-finger Kit-Kat....but you get the added benefit of hydration.


    So, beer lasts longer, tastes better, ensures you are hydrated....and if you have enough you feel no pain.

    And it helps you forget.


    Hmmm.

    JJ

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  14. Garrison Keillor the American writer said that he lost weight by eating only those foods that he didn't like. You could try that if you become desperate.

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  15. I reckon the incremental-loss technique's a bit hit-and-miss, and is only a temporary measure anyway. Have you considered something permanent, so as you don't have to go through the mill every year?

    Think along the lines of losing unnecessary bits such as a kidney (5oz), an appendix (1/6oz), an ear or two (2oz each), the odd digit (3-4oz each) or maybe even a whole arm (112oz). And then there's teeth, tonsils and other bits beginning with "t" to be considered. Then ask yourself this: do you really need nipples?

    Of course, there are pros and cons - lose an ear and wearing specs becomes difficult, but lose an arm and you only have to carry one walking-pole. Oh, and think how many people could benefit from your donated bits.

    Word = "howsh" - it sounds like a mix of "ouch" and "harsh", which is quite appropriate, I reckon.

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  16. I wanted to leave you a message but I've just forgotten what I wanted to say...!

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  17. Phil: "We're doomed!" Not necessarily...

    I have been doing a little light reading... But more on my next posting!

    JJ: That's the sort of logic I really like.

    Des: If you think I am going to eat rice pudding skin for the rest of my born days you have another think coming! uuugh!

    BG: An innovative approach. Lateral thinking and an approach already adopted by Lord Elpus; having had his prostate and bits of his willy removed in a desperate last throw of the dice! There must be another way!

    Trevor: What did you say? I missed that. Why don't they speak up these days on the telly, Mildred.

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  18. I suppose we could switch to LIGHT ale?

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