It’s the winter solstice. The supermarket aisles are rammed full of mad women chopping your ankles with their over-loaded trolleys, desperate for another tin of Quality Street and nasty bottles of mulled wine. It’s dark outside and it’s pissing down with rain. And yet, we are continuously blasted with exhortations to be full of Christmas cheer.
Ho bleeding ho.
However! All is not lost. I can help. The Fat Controller has our Challenge route sheet. That should give the Vetters a giggle or two over the festive season. I can see them now, pink cheeked, sitting in their party hats, snorting into their glasses of peat and smoke. Sharp bubbles burning their nostrils.
“What? That pair of eejuts? Up there?”
The particular pair of eejuts they’re referring to are of course Mad’n’Bad and me.
Mad’n’Bad is the ultimate example of the right stuff. Solid gold crafted from common clay. A lean, mean, walking machine.
This is the man who will drag our sorry arses up a dozen Munros and Corbetts. This man will be hauling his wrinkly frame and a completely screwed knee over the top of Scotland’s wrinkly bits for almost 200 miles with close on 30,000 feet of climbing. This is the man who produces miracle cans of beer from his pack when you are at your lowest ebb, in the middle of sod all.
This is the man who said “How many? HOW bleeding FAR? THIRTY THOUSAND FUCKING FEET!!!”
Yes, our route is in. The Vetters are chuckling. All is well in our world.
MALLAIG TO LUNAN BAY: CLICK ON MAP TO MAKE IT BIGLY HUGE.