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Thursday, 23 December 2010

PROVERBS TO PONDER OVER CHRISTMAS

I was sent an email this morning by my favourite daughter, entitled “LARRY’S PROVERBS.”

I know there are one or two amongst our congregation who are actually quite bright, so why they hang around here is anyone’s guess. Anyway, perhaps the brightest and best can add to the list?

  1. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  2. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  3. Remember, half the people you know are below average
  4. He who laughs last, thinks slowest
  5. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
  6. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  7. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
  8. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?  Raise my hand.
  9. What happens if you get scared half to death? Twice?
  10. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
  11. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?
  12. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

12 comments:

  1. This one's from cartoonist Scott Adams,of Dilbert fame:

    If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

    Happy Christmas, Alan.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Merry Christmas to you Alan and all your readers, Brian:

    A pessimist's blood type is always B-Negative.

    Without geometry, life is pointless

    When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.

    Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

    Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

    Every calendar's days are numbered.

    A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

    Acupuncture is a jab well done.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mark: I am often accused of asking stupid questions all the time - often being asked why on earth I am asking such a ridiculously stupid question.

    I always put it down to my stupidity. They go away shaking their heads.

    Brian: And a very Merry Christmas to you too Sir.

    To you both: A great start! Any more for anymore?

    ReplyDelete
  4. The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    It's OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

    If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.

    The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do.

    Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

    Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

    If you help someone in need they will remember you. The next time they are in need.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Byeways: They made me chuckle! So, so true! (Especially "Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again."


    Anyone else?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Alan, I came across these and thought they might have some resonance with your readership!

    Never test the depth of a river with both feet.

    A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from the top of a mountain.

    There are no short cuts to any place worth going.

    A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

    You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

    He who never made a mistake, never made a discovery.

    It is never too late to be what you might have been.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Have a great festive season and thanks for the diverse blog entries this year, looking forward to more in the coming months.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kenburg: "It is never too late to be what you might have been." I don't know about that...
    Time seems to be ticking by at an incredible rate... :-)

    Roger: Hi. There are loads of outdoor blogs out that deal with... the outdoors and all the stuff you have to wear / carry / eat - and I have to say most of them bore me to tears! I like to hear what people are thinking, their current moods and how that affects which trips they take. Magnificent photographs help a lot. Inspiration is what I am after in a blog. Yours counts in all these areas. Thanks Roger.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Six out of seven dwarves said they weren't Happy. Not a proverb, but a FACT.

    Thanks go to Wibble for this information.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hope Christmas and 2011 works out for you. Thanks for your blog Alan
    Here are a few of my fav's.

    Be slow in choosing a friend, but slower in changing him.

    The best armour is to keep out of range.

    Don't stay too long when the husband is not at home.

    All the best. Alan and Sheila.

    ReplyDelete
  11. It's a hard place where the horizon meets the sky - or so I was told by a sparrow with a lump on his head.
    Happy New Year
    PC

    ReplyDelete
  12. Mike, Alan (& Sheila) and Peter: This is all very sound stuff. So we have Dwarves, Philanderers and our Avian friends as our counsellors.
    They can't possibly do a worse job than our present lot...

    ReplyDelete

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