YOU'RE NOT THE BBC!

It's 10:20 in the morning. The phone rings.

I leap to answer it. But it is my Big Sister. I hear myself say "Oh, you're not the BBC." Now most people in their right minds would leap at the chance of talking with my big sister. She is witty. She is charming, she has all her own teeth and is fun to be with. But I do not want to be talking to her right at this precise moment.

"Sorry Dil, but you're not the BBC. Can I talk to you later!" And I hang up. God, that's just so bad...

So why were the BBC trying to beat a path to my door this morning? Well, if truth be told, they weren't. And so I will never know the answer to the burning question of the day in the Sloman Household. Angela could have provided the final answer. We would have accepted Angela's wisdom and settled the argument of twenty years. We had agreed that she would settle it once and for all. We would abide by her wisdom. She has a Michelin Star, for goodness sakes.

She should know how to boil an egg.

Do you pop the precious breakfast egg into a pan of gentle, room temperature water and bring it delicately to the boil, wait patiently for the prescribed period of time before dipping your soldiers into the perfect runny yolk or: Do you plunge the beastly think into the frenzy of a boiling cauldron to see it crack with the massive temperature shock differential betwixt the cold eggshell and the boiling inferno of the super-heated cauldron and see your egg white spew violently into the seething water like massive storm clouds leaving you with a watery mess to drown your soldiers in?

(Have you guessed which side I am taking yet?)

As a science based student I can see the relative merits of both methods.

For the "placing the nature's little miracle for a breakfast room temperature method" I can see that you have a greater chance of success of eating an egg with an intact shell encasing the entire contents of the egg, without the soupy mess after the ingress of boiling water. However, this method is fraught with danger. If you were to take a long time bringing the water to the simmer, then perhaps the egg will start to cook more than it would if you brought the egg to boiling more quickly. This would result in difficulty in the subsequent timing of the egg.

With the "plunging the beastly egg bastard thing into the sodding boiling water and who gives a flying feck" method of cooking the egg, well, timings are going to always be more accurate.

So, we rang the BBC this morning; Saturday Kitchen to be precise, to ask the visiting culinary goddess, Angela Hartnett, what the answer should be.

And they didn't ring back. Perhaps they tried but found the line engaged. So we will never know.

Can the congregation help?

NOVEMBER MUSIC

Some of the congregation have enjoyed the occasional listen to what I pin here and so this is my November's music selection.

I found this first one from 'House.' Haunting stuff and I think it's quite beautiful.

I then dug around a bit to find more.

Well - I like it anyway!

YOU CAN HEAR THE WHISTLE BLOWING

A Hundred Miles. Well, maybe a bit more than a hundred miles.

I had plotted our route on my mapping software as far as Kingussie ; nothing too alarming but there was quite a lot to do for the second day. Living as we do on the edge of the Fens there is a distinct risk of nose-bleeds and altitude sickness on that day but our reward is to be a pub at the end of the third day. Lord E will do anything for a drink.

At this point the laptop made a soft 'pling' as an email dropped in. It was from Lord Elpus. He had not only finished plotting our route but had also filled in the route sheet as well. He had sent it over for my perusal. What a darling! So, we compared notes distances and height climbs for the route as far as Kingussie. He had already adjusted for that unique Anquet 'ExtraHeight' software glitch by manually counting the contours and when we looked at Anquet's count and Phil's manual counting, all seemed to be in the right order. It was agreed. It could be sent off to Uncle Roger.

Is this a first? Our route sent in, in November! We are looking frightfully organised this year.

So it comes out at a moderate 170 miles and 8,000m of ascent. That's about 30 miles less than our last route together and 1000m less climbing. It should be do-able then.

TGO CHALLENGE ROUTE: DONE!

I was on the telephone to Lord Elpus yesterday evening for an hour or so and we chatted out a route. It seems to get easier each year as we both know where each other wants to go. Phil's tally of Challies is now mounting up; this will be his eighth. He knows his way around the Chally Chunk of Scotland.

Our route incorporates a number of FWA's. Now, the organisers (That's Uncle Roger, the Chief Organiser, and all his lieutenants, the admirable Vetters) like Challengers to put Foul Weather Alternatives in on the route sheets for the days when the tops are out of the question. Lord Elpus & I like to think of the FWA's as FINE Weather Alternatives - because experience shows us that the weather is usually pretty crap... So, with all our days supposedly of the 'Fine' variety we have included two good handful of Munros. Shock Horror!

For the uninitiated, (surely no-one reading this? Stand in the corner with wearing the pointy hat if this is so and be ashamed!) a "Munro" is a mountain in Scotland over 3000 feet high that sort of looks mountainous (but not necessarily) and is not just a 'top' - ooh - do I need to describe what a top is? Anyway - we are aiming to bundle our sorry carcases over a few fine hills. And still get to Braemar for the Saturday night party and Bill & Stan's for the Sunday night party too. We like parties.

We missed them both last year. We have a lot of catching up to do. Two men in tights, both tight. Lovely.

So - Its Lochailort to Nether Warburton this time, via a whole heap of Scotland. And, is it me or they do seem to heap Scotland up higher each year?

SIMON'S CAT: "LET ME IN"

HIDDEN PICTURES

Just occasionally you canter through old photographs that haven't passed muster, and there, lurking in the depths of that mediocre effort, you spot a little magic. Of course, you then pretend that that's what you saw when you pressed down on the shutter all those months ago. Oh yes.

Well here are a few hidden gems (some of mine and some of Shirl's). It doesn't matter about the grain or the pixellation. It's the moment, captured.

Shirl & Walna Scar Road

Just Good Friends

......Well, I liked them, anyway!

DANCING SHOES: Second Impressions

Gear Testing! That's me, then - A Gear Tester!

I bet you didn't expect to see me doing too much of that then. Oh no: You would need to go to a proper blog to see gear reports; blogs that talk a lot about anoraks and tents and stoves and tarps and socks and knickers and titanium pots and sporks and headtorches and sleeping bags and trousers and rucksacks and mattresses.....

....and trail shoes.

Yes. Trail Shoes. Namely my free pair of TNF Hedgehogs GTX XCR. (Phew, that was a keyboard full of letters to describe a pair of dancing shoes!) You will remember that fitnessfootwear.com very kindly sent me a free pair of these to test and keep.

Well, for quite a few years our congregation might remember that I have not looked entirely favourably on nipping up hills in trainers. Then I went out and bought a lighter weight pair of boots and didn't turn into a gurl! That got me thinking anew about trainers - and then, LO! The offer from Adam at fitness footwear.com came at just the right moment.

So - I can now report on how they cope with a very wet and boggy walk in the Yorkshire Dales. Be very afraid - There follows some very DIRTY PICTURES...

Pretty shoes (mind that sheep poo though - very dirty!)

As you can see, my feet were very relaxed in their Merino socks and Dancing Shoes, and, this being most of the way up onto Fremington Edge too!

I had been quite concerned that they weren't going to be very supportive laterally - I was worried that my feet were going to 'slide' over the sides of the soles as has happened to me in running shoes some years ago. But not these babies. No - in fact I felt very secure in them; even on tumbley, rocky loose paths. I did have to lace them up nice and tight but they were always comfortable. I can see why they are called 'Hedgehogs' as the sole unit is wonderfully grippy with lots of very pointy stuff that grips like crazy on wet grass far more than it ought to decently.

Very dirty sloppy stuff...

As I bundled along the top of Fremington Edge I actually sought out the wet and sloppy stuff - and - I survived! Okay, the above picture was 'staged' but standing there in the cold black stuff was perfectly okay. (I'm brave, me!)

The true test came later on when we were on our way back in the bottom of Arkengarthdale following along the banks of the river. Ooh! The word 'bog' just didn't do this place justice! It was liquid ooze for great chunks of the footpath (we had gone off the bridleway just to hunt out the sloppy stuff (but don't tell Lynnie as she just thought it was rotten luck we found it very boggy...)

I had to splatter my way across great stretches of oozing brown mud in the gloaming and drizzly rain. The dancing shoes got well and truly immersed in the sludge as you can see below:

Now - that IS a dirty picture!

The quite amazing thing is that they coped very well indeed in fact I would go further to say that as they are flexible and very light I think I probably stayed upright because I was more nimble - I might have gone sprawling into the mud in the less flexible boots I used to wear. Not even a hint of any hotspots on my feet - the fit was excellent - and that is vital.

So - Time for "A Verdict": I think these are incredibly well constructed. They are very supportive and very grippy. They are comfortable. They look pretty good too. BUT:

Yes, there is a reservation. I am not sure how I would have felt if the sloppy wet mud had topped the low point in the uppers around my ankles. The thought of that sloppy wet mud splattering into my socks and having soaking wet dirty feet does make me shudder a bit.

I would be more than happy to wear these in pretty horrid conditions like I encountered on this particular walk - even if they did get 'over-topped' - but I would not want to have to wear them the next day with mud and grot inside them on a multi day walk. I would revert to my Salomon boots for that with greater 'freeboard.' Obviously this is a very personal preference - others may well feel I am being a total wimp here, but there you have it!

For day walks, whatever the weather though, these really are excellent shoes. And - more importantly, FITNESS FOOTWEAR is a really good company to deal with: The shoes arrived the very next day in excellent packaging after I agreed to test them. In all my dealings with them, they were polite, friendly and efficient.

So - thank you Adam. So there you are, everyone! A Gear Report!

I thank you!

NORTH YORKSHIRE DALES: A Lazy Sunday

A lad can only do so much walking and this lad only did so much walking and on the Sunday decided on a bit of a pottering about in the car to visit Thwaite's Kearton Country Hotel Tea Room - a place that both Shirl & I fell in love with when she was doing her Pennine Way and I, my LEJOG.

So the following pictures take in the route by car to the tea room (a fine establishment() and then onwards to Hardraw Force - which you access via the Green Dragon pub.

Above Keld

Thwaite

Buttertubs

Hardraw Force

Hardraw Force

CHOMPING AT THE BIT

As Regular Readers will know, Lord Elpus missed out on the Chally last year due to his fixation with going lightweight and having 'alf 'is innards removed by Robby the Robot ably assisted by the busty Lintilla and her equally well endowed twin sister, Allitnil.

Well - he's making up for it this year: Alarmed at the prospect of not getting a good night's kip at the start of the walk (he had seen various stravaigers and vagabonds mentioning that they had already booked their hotel rooms at our start point) he set about the internet in his quest for a bed.

Tenacity's the key - and our minor royal has the grip of the Ancient Mariner (I wondered if the Ancient Mariner carried tide tables on his walks too?). Not for him the cold, soggy, wet grass under the steamy flysheet for his first night's celebratory bash with carousing, boozing and illicit ciggies. Oh no. He wants a big plumptious mattress with Egyptian cotton bed linen and soft, deep-pile carpets squeezing between his tootsies. Not for him the flysheet spray sprinkling against his skin on the morning of the  'off'.

No - he will demand full body power showers with multi-directional jets and hi-fidelity music wafting through the bathroom ceiling speaker system as he shaves his jaw to a polished granite finish.

Yes - he's bagged a couple of rooms for us at the Lochailort Inn.

And - to top it all off in some considerable style - he has also booked the rooms in the Park Hotel for the night of the big celebratory dinner in Montrose at the finish.

Stylish ol' sod, is Lord Elpus. Ta, fella.

AN INSPECTOR CALLS... Part 2

I love food. Perhaps that explains the "skinny bloke with the big fat belly" that the mirror throws back at me each morning. And lately that mirror has been ever more unforgiving.

My birthdays have for quite a few years now been forever etched in my grey cells with trips to wonderful eateries, usually, it has to be said, in London. There have been trips to "Sketch," "Lindsay House", the "Savoy Grill," "Maze", Hambleton Hall and the occasional foray up north to places like "L'Enclume." It's not just about the food; it's the ambience, the company and let's face it, not having to do the washing up - especially important if you are having the 'taster menu.'

So when the Charles Bathurst Inn's website says that it has built up an enviable reputation for fine food I was really interested to see how good it would be. They have invested heavily in a new kitchen and commit to using only the best locally produced seasonal foods.

So, to cut to the chase: I started with Thai mussel broth which was fragrant and delicious - not sure how 'local' mussels are though, but as it was so delicious I wasn't going to quibble. Lynnie had smoked haddock chowder with a soft poached hen's egg, which looked outstanding and she reckons if she had been served that in any of the restaurants in the earlier list, she would have been well pleased.  

Mains: I had lamb shank with peas and double-podded broadbeans on a spring onion mash, served with fresh vegetables. I love lamb shanks and this was served very well and was very tasty especially when washed down with an excellent Fleurie and a very cold jug of tap water - which is nice to see these days. Also it wasn't spoiled by adding the inevitable slices of lemon that so often spoils the flavour of your wine.

"Lamb shanks"

Lynnie had duck breast with spring onion rosti and pureed beetroot & green peppercorn sauce, again with fresh vegetables. Her breasts were beautifully tender and pink and the flavours were well balanced with the beetroot puree. I had a little piece of her duck and it was pretty good!

Puds: Blueberry cheesecake for me and sticky toffee pudding with cream for Lynnie. The pudding beat Lynnie (but that's quite normal as she is quite small) but I manfully struggled to finish mine off and had to be physically restrained from licking my plate...

Filter coffees to finish it all off.

What can we say? The CB Inn have seriously talented chefs who understand what they are doing with food. The waiting staff were friendly, yet discreet.

This is a perfect place for good dining, relaxing comfortable surroundings that would suit a large group out for a good time in the country or a couple out for a quiet weekend away to recharge their batteries.

We will definitely go back there and be more than happy to pay for it! Can't say fairer than that!

You can find the Charles Bathurst Website HERE.

AN INSPECTOR CALLS... Part 1

This is an unusual one for me: I have been asked to write about my stay at a hotel in the Yorkshire Dales.

As I mentioned about a week ago the deal was that the Charles Bathurst Inn provided a free night’s accommodation for two people with B&B and dinner. All they asked in return is that I shared my thoughts of the hotel on my blog and tell our congregation what I thought of the walks nearby.

Well - that seemed like an excellent plan to me and so I agreed, with the proviso that I would make it very clear that this had been provided to us FOC. This sort of thing fits well within my blog anyhow, as I love hotels and I love good food. (Is there anyone who doesn't, I think to myself?)

For convenience, I am splitting the review into two parts - Part 1: Hotel & Accommodation and Part 2: Food and drink.

So: As you will have read previously, we had stayed the night before (Friday) at Keld Lodge in Upper Swaledale and our stay there had been pretty good. We drove from there over the top, passing the Tan Hill Inn - a fine pub made famous (for me as a child, that is) by Ted Moult and his floating feather past the newly fitted Everest Double Glazing.

It has to be said; the roads in the North Yorkshire Dales are absolutely wonderful - hardly a car to be seen with wonderful 1950's style motoring through wonderful moorland scenery. For the less able bodied, there are abundant parking places to sit and admire the views. For the more able-bodied (come on, keep up at the back - that probably means you) that means quite a few places to dump the car and get out for a walk.

And, as it was a nice day, that is exactly what we did. In fact we were spoiled for choice. The CB Inn is in Arkengarthdale; a spur dale for Swaledale, just a few minutes drive from Reeth. The area is steeped in Archeological history - famous for its lead mining. You can see evidence of old hushes and spoil heaps everywhere adding interest to the steep sided Dales. The rivers and waterfalls rush though the dale bottoms and emerald pastures are strewn with old stone barns, so characteristic of the Dales.

We arrived at the Charles Bathurst Inn after a walk that finished as evening was drawing in and were quite wet and muddy. There's a drying room for walkers (the boiler room, so your soaking togs will definitely dry out)

Our welcome was warm and friendly and we were shown to our room; a superior double. Our room was warm, spacious and tastefully decorated. The bed was very comfortable and the linen new and very good quality. The view from our room was to the rear of the hotel, overlooking the dale - all very peaceful.

The bathroom was large and well lit and all appeared to be pretty new. The towels were gorgeously fluffy and white and there was loads of useful shelf space.

 

Quite a nice touch is that there is fresh milk in a fridge in the corridor outside your room which makes a pleasant change from the usual little plastic UHT offerings in hotels. Shortbread biscuits in a biscuit jar made a welcoming cuppa all the more refreshing.

There is a resident's lounge on the first floor, well stocked with mags and books and comfy chairs - which would be great if you were with a party of walkers.

The bar is large and busy and serves Black Sheep amongst other real ales, so I was in a personal heaven. You can have bar meals or should you wish you can eat in the restaurant, which is what we chose to do.

So - to summarise, the hotel is clean, warm, welcoming and very professionally run by charming staff. What you pay is shown clearly on the hotel's website and from what we experienced is very good value for your money.

You can find the Charles Bathurst Inn's website HERE

ARKLE BECK & FREMINGTON EDGE

11:45 am, Saturday: The Red Lion @ Langthwaite.

Okay ~ haven't got too far yet ~ but safely in the womb of this excellent little pub before stepping out up the hill.

We came back over the roof of the world via Tan Hill this morning in the clear, sharp air after a hearty breakfast at Keld Lodge.

So it's a pint of Black Sheep and a coffee and then its out there into the cruel cold world. It's hell, captain, but someone's got to do it...

5:15pm, Saturday: The Charles Bathurst Inn;

 

What a splendid walk ~ we started with a stroll along Arkle Beck as far as Storthwaite Hall and then made our way up through the old lead mine workings and onto Marrick Moor. It was glorious up there ~ pin sharp air with sweeping views over to the North York Moors in the east and the broad summits of the Dales to the West.

Heavy clouds were mustering over the hills to the west and the wind was freshening as we skipped along above Fremington Edge. We met quite a few walkers all heading in the opposite direction; all were smiley and wrapped up warmly.

Above Cuckoo Hill the showers started - nothing nasty - it was warm and blustery ~ the showers adding to the experience as trailing curtains brushed across Arkengarthdale.

Strolling down above Reeth there were a few handily placed benches; perfect for a light lunch. Then we strolled back up the Dale through pastureland and alongside the busy little Arkle Beck. Bracken now a pale rust, meadows a heavy emerald, with vibrant sunburst orange birch leaves all making for a perfect Autumnal walk.

Langthwaite is a little crush of heavily slated roofs all huddled together for protection. Peeping through the cottage windows, mothers were busy in the warm glow of their kitchens and televisions flickered in the sitting rooms. A beautiful little hamlet.

Back at the car we both felt we had done enough for the day and had earned our supper. A grand day out!

KELD LODGE

What a splendid joint this is ~ but most of you will know this already; either from the Coast to Coast (most likely?) or the Pennine Way or just plain ol' common sense staying at a cracking place.

Arrived here via the Wetherby Whaler (standards seem to have slipped lately) and Richmond. Now there's rum ol' place! All I wanted was a Harvey's map of the Yorkshire Dales (North), but that was beyond their ken. Happily we liberated a copy from the tourist information office in Reeth. Last time I was there was twenty years ago on my Coast to Coast! Doesn't seem to have changed much apart from getting a bit posher.

Had to pop in to the Tan Hill Inn ~ what a lovely drive up from Reeth! It's like stepping back fifty years to open roads and Standard Vanguards...

Last time at the THI I was on my LEJOG and spent quite a few happy hours in the company of a couple of new-born lambs and quite a few pints of Black Sheep. This time around I am driving so the Black Sheep was rationed and instead of the lambs we had a couple of new-born kittens.

So ~presently holed up in half the old common room of Keld Youth Hostel with a pint of Ragwelter and dinner ordered.

Not a bad place to be....

OOTNABOOT!

This weekend I am off to the northern Yorkshire Dales for a bit of a cushy break - aiming to spend two nights in nice hotels.

No! Not for me the thrashing of Wanda's flanks in the wind and rain or the boggy paddle though the marsh-grass at five or six in the morning to answer the call of nature...

No. Not this weekend anyway. I shall be living it up in a bit of luxury for a change. I shall be taking the plimsolls for an outing as well to see how they get along as the weather forecast is, shall we say, "mixed"...

I stayed at the first hotel, Keld Lodge, of this weekend's trip back on my LEJOG in 2007, when it was newly opened and they still had carpenters and decorators in, finishing it off, and always promised myself a return trip. It will be interesting to see how it is now - it was lovely when I stayed there before. It used to be the Youth Hostel, but amazingly the YHA couldn't (or wouldn't?) make it pay (at the junction of the Coast to Coast and Pennine Way!) and sold it off to fund a huge gap in their balance sheet following the Foot & Mouth epidemic and years of mis-management of the Association.

The second hotel, in Arkengarthdale, will be a mystery break - I have not stayed there before but I am going there almost as a 'hotel inspector.' I have been offered a free night's Dinner, B&B package to 'test it out' and let everyone know what its like. It's The Charles Bathurst Inn and from their website it looks really good and is set amongst some lovely Dales scenery - so it looks like an ideal place for a break.

I am being given free rein to write whatever I like about my stay, so I thought it would be a great idea - so I am thoroughly looking forward to the weekend.

So - you will hear more upon my return! Have a good weekend, everyone.

THE FAT ENVELOPE

It's that time of the year again.

But this year, in the midst of the deepest recession this country has seen for fifty years. the Posties and their bosses have decided to really screw things up even more.

Yes - Instead of Uncle Roger's wonderful plumptious envelopes landing heavily on our doormats, this year four hundred and fifty prospective TGO Challengers have been anxiously peering at computer screens to see wether or not they have been accepted for the Chally.

No longer the heavy thud of the fat envelope on the coir doormat or perhaps the thin skittery clatter of the thin missive dancing through the airy space of the hallway to land against the emulsion of the far wall. No; this year, it is just a soft 'pling' from the computer's speakers that lets you know that an email has landed in your 'inbox'.

For me an anxious day started at 11:24 this morning when JJ emailed to let me know that he had been emailed by Uncle Roger. And was safely 'in'.

At this point the internet almost melted. Wires, cables and keyboards took a hammering right across the world as 450 anxious applicants began their scanning of the world wide web. Emotional support groups sprang up as despairing applicants learned of their fate or even worse, had not yet heard their fate. It was life and death stuff.

By half past four in the afternoon, I knew exactly how Eeyore felt at about two or three o'clock in the morning in his boggy place with snow behind his ears. I had not heard from Uncle Roger and Lord Elpus was in the far north west of Scotland on holiday in the torrential rain, away from t'internet.

But Miss Whiplash is made of the right stuff. She whipped his sorry arse all the way to Fort William where he tried to log on to his webmail account in the Public Library on one of their terminals.

But he couldn't remember his password! AAAGGGHHH!

But Lord E is nothing if not a resourceful chap. He hooked up a link via Saturn or Venus or somewhere pretty remote to link up to his email and.... Hey Presto!

Five minutes later there was a soft 'pling' from my computer's speakers.

The Fat Envelope Had Landed.

MENDIP MAGIC

This weekend I was to be found down in the West Country in the Blue Flame in West End, near Nailsea.

Mendip Magic: Highly Recommended and the pub is a little honey - a sort of bothy/pub cross if you can imagine such a thing, with pickled eggs and cheese and onion rolls. Threadbare carpets, peeling wall paper, an odd collection of books and an eclectic furniture style and a very happy clientele all make it a fascinating boozer. It seems to be in the middle of nowhere when approached from Clevedon along a bumpy fen road with deep dykes either side. Fun in the pitch black of an Autumn night.

Then it was off to the south coast for a nephew's 18th celebrations - well done Jack. Somewhere in there, there was also a trip to the theatre to see Rod & Rachael's Best Man in Fiddler on the Roof, fish and chips, pizzas and a curry.

Lots of driving but all very good fun. I just need a weekend off now to recover.